Obama: Wave at the people, Joe.
Biden: IMMA POINT AT'EM
Obama: Please just wave.
Biden:...
"You brought him into our home..the one we've shared for 8 years.."
"Joe, he's about to be-"
"He sat in my chair."
Biden: Ok here's the plan: have you seen Home Alone
Obama: Joe, no
Biden: Just one booby trap
Obama: Joe
Biden: Like heck am I leaving him any ice cream, Barack here take a cone
Obama: Joe you know I'm lactose into-
Biden: Like. Heck.
Joe: I hid all the pens from Trump
Obama: Why?
Joe: Because he bringing his own.
Obama: ???
Joe: HE'S BRINGING HIS OWN PENCE
Obama: you told him Nigel Farage was British Foreign Secretary didn't you?
Biden:
Obama: Joe
Biden: I'm gonna throw his wig into the fireplace
Obama: Joe don't
Biden: One Horcrux down, 6 to go
Obama: "Joe, why are you still holding my hand?"
Biden: "I wanna freak Mike Pence out"
Obama: "But why?"
Biden: "Just roll with it"
"ME: Joe, about halfway through the speech, I’m gonna wish you a happy birth--
BIDEN: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!
ME: Joe.
Happy birthday to @JoeBiden, my brother and the best vice president anybody could have."