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A father who lost his 14-year-old son after he disappeared in the Atlantic Ocean has revealed the one thing he does that helps him cope with the pain of his loss.
Perry Cohen and his friend, Austin Stephanos, also 14, set out from the Florida coast on July 24, 2015, for what was supposed to be a simple fishing trip.
The pair was last seen departing the Jib Yacht Club and Marina in Jupiter Inlet Colony.
When they failed to return, one of the most extensive search missions in U.S. Coast Guard history was launched - covering nearly 50,000 square nautical miles from Jupiter to the coast of North Carolina.
A week later, their capsized boat was discovered off the coast of Bermuda, but Perry and Austin were never found.
For Phil, the lack of answers made his grief that much harder to bear.
“When things like this happen, your brain has to make some kind of story,” he told PEOPLE. “I didn't know. Did he get hit in the head when the boat flipped over and just drown right there?".
"Did he float until he couldn't anymore? Did he suffer? Did he get eaten by a shark? For a parent to have to even think about their child in any of these scenarios is ridiculous," he said.
Initially, the pain was unbearable: “It absolutely destroyed me. I had no idea what to do. The only people I've lost to this point were my grandparents. Didn't really know them well, so I didn't know grief. Then all of a sudden, I lost the most precious person in the world.”
Two weeks after the teen's disappearance, the father was lying on his couch in tears when his older brother Rich offered a suggestion: “Let’s go in the ocean.” At first, Cohen refused until something changed.
“Immediately in my spirit, I just heard Perry be like, ‘Come on. Don't be like that. Just stop,’” Cohen said. “And then, so we did.”
What followed was the beginning of his healing. “I actually felt better going through that,” he recalled. “This whole grief thing, you can't outrun it," he said, adding that "the monster gets smaller" when you face it.
He shared that moment on his TikTok account, @philthegriefguy, which has since become a page to speak directly about grief and healing, and help others dealing with loss.
In one video, Phil explained that a key part of his grieving process is saying his son's name out loud.
"If someone you love is grieving, say their person's name,” he explained. “Because I can tell you with 100% confidence and conviction you saying their name won't break them. It's you not saying it that's breaking them.”
For the father, that means keeping Perry’s memory alive by talking about him, remembering him, and honoring the little things.
"If something comes up, and I'll mention Perry's name, I do it for me. I don't do it for anybody else," he said. “Sometimes people get awkward, but now the people who know me and love me are cool with it. They'll ask me about it.”
One of the memories that brings both joy and sorrow is of Perry’s time playing baseball - a sport they both loved.
“A couple of years I was coaching the team, and there was a park not too far from where I lived in Florida,” Phil remembered. “Bottom of the ninth inning. We were down by two runs, playing against the rival team. It was one of those games where all the parents are standing on their feet.”
“Perry gets up to the plate… smacks the home run. The whole place erupts,” he said. “His whole team's standing around home plate.”
“Like ESPN, I expect Perry to jump into this pile of high-fives and cheers - but he didn't,” he added, choking up. “He ran past all of them and jumped into my arms, and I remember thinking ... 'Oh, man,’” he added.
A decade on, Cohen says he can still feel that hug. “It's been a long journey. But I believe we’re most powerfully positioned to serve the person we once were. People just want hope," he concluded.