Relationships3 min(s) read
What does it mean to be 'nebulasexual' as more people are coming out
Nebulasexual is an identity that not many people are familiar with, but as more people come out, what exactly does it mean?
The new term centers around love and attraction, and is picking up speed online.
Born out of online discourse and rooted in the Latin word nebulous, meaning “cloudy” or “unclear,” nebulasexual is giving language to a complicated experience many neurodivergent people share.
What does nebulasexual mean — and who is it for?
Nebulasexuality falls under the quoisexual (or quoi/ace) spectrum, which centers not around the absence of attraction, but rather the inability to define it clearly.
It’s exclusive to neurodivergent individuals, often those with ADHD, autism, OCD, or other cognitive processing differences.
As defined in a Facebook post by Autism Nottingham, nebulasexual describes someone who “cannot tell if they experience sexual attraction or not due to neurodivergency or intrusive thoughts/urges/images. One who is nebulasexual might want sex or a sexual relationship, but they do not know if they experience attraction.”
It’s not about confusion or indecision, but an ongoing, often permanent state of ambiguity rooted in brain function.
ADHD, OCD, and the chaos of neurodivergent desire
Many who identify as nebulasexual say their minds blur the lines between attraction, interest, and other emotional responses. That’s particularly true for people with ADHD or OCD.
“As someone with ADHD, my brain processes everything differently. I might think someone is attractive, but whether that’s sexual, aesthetic, or just my brain hyperfixating on their features? No clue. Nebulasexual fits perfectly,” shared one netizen.
Another explained: “The intrusive thoughts make it so hard to know what’s ME and what’s just my brain being chaotic. This label helps me feel less broken and more understood.”
For some, identifying as nebulasexual isn’t about the presence or absence of desire — it’s about not being able to define it at all.
“At least I can understand this part of myself. Many autistic people, at least as far as I can see, experience attraction in very different and nuanced ways than what the neurotypical norm posits, and I’m glad we’re gradually giving these ideas a platform,” one user wrote on Reddit.
Another said they “don’t feel disgust or desire, just nothing,” but still appreciate having language that describes their experience.
Visibility through flags and colors
In 2020, a Tumblr user created a nebulasexual pride flag inspired by the Crab Nebula — a swirling, colorful remnant of a supernova discovered in the 19th century. With hues of orange, green, and white, the flag aims to mirror the cloudy, undefined experience of attraction many nebulasexual people describe.
“I love the nebulasexual flag!” said one Reddit user. “The colors really capture that ‘cloudy’ feeling of not being sure about attraction.”
The broader context: gender, identity, and language
On Quora, one user offered a broader explanation about how modern gender and sexual identity terms have evolved: “The definition of gender was remade to not be equal to biological sex.
Gender now is understood as a social construct around biosex [biological sex], the way in which individuals and the wider society perceive and interact with it.
“Under this definition, everyone’s gender is as unique as their personal experience, but there are ways to broadly classify people based on their relationship with their biosex, and that is the origin of the gazillion of terms used to describe different genders.”