A decades-old phrase has ignited new debate among parents, psychologists, and public figures, following a controversial moment on Channel Nine’s Parental Guidance.
The expression “boys will be boys” — long used to excuse rowdy, aggressive, or dismissive behavior in boys — is now under sharp scrutiny, with many arguing it reinforces dangerous stereotypes and undermines both accountability and empathy in young males.
"They were just playing": A moment that split a room
The latest season of Parental Guidance, which explores varying parenting styles and their impact on children, triggered fierce discussion during a segment where children were tasked with caring for a baby simulator, News.com.au reports.
When it was the turn of "life school parents" Josh and Cassie's five sons, viewers watched as the boys panicked over the crying doll before growing bored and eventually tossing it around on a tire swing.
Joanne, a traditionally-minded parent, shrugged it off: “They were playing. They were mucking around and having fun. The boys were boys.”
Her comment caused visible discomfort among other parents in the room. Tammy, one of the “upfront parents,” immediately countered: “It really does stereotype a type of behavior that is not OK.”
Hassan, a parent who embraces a more hands-on, rigorous approach to raising children, agreed, saying it’s vital to involve boys in caregiving roles: “Your young boys are going to be men one day.”
But Josh pushed back, warning against “feminising” boys. “I think we should be very careful not to feminise our males too much in society,” he said, later adding that boys weren’t “naturally nurturing.”
“They can be,” Hassan replied. “If a man has to change a nappy, or cook or clean, it doesn’t make him less of a man.”
The case against "boys will be boys"
For many viewers and experts, the phrase is more than just a harmless cliché. It’s a cultural relic that they say enables negative male behavior — from emotional withdrawal to physical aggression — under the guise of natural masculinity.
Author and pediatrician Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais describes the phrase as a “parenting self-fulfilling prophecy.” In a recent Psychology Today blog post, she wrote: “If you have a mindset that boys are simply rough-and-tumble cavemen, you’ll subconsciously encourage this behavior as it is affirmed time and time again.”
Similarly, columnist and mother Shona Hendley shared her frustration with Kidspot after hearing the phrase during a boys’ sports event. “The reality is ‘boys will be boys,’ ‘typical boys,’ and any lines similar, aren’t legitimate descriptions or observations of behavior; they are a parenting cop-out pure and simple.”
She continued: “Using these sorts of phrases provides excuses for boys’ bad behaviour. Worse, it can legitimise it and be viewed as a green light for them to keep going.”
Toxic masculinity, mental health, and suicide risk
Dr. Justin Coulson, co-host of Parental Guidance, noted that strict adherence to traditional masculine roles correlates with poorer mental health outcomes. “The more men subscribed to unhealthy ideas as to what masculinity was — such as being tough, being unable to seek support or be vulnerable — the more likely their mental health drops. They’re more likely to be abusive or be abused,” he explained.
Some parents in the discussion echoed this sentiment, pointing out that stereotypical masculinity can be isolating. “I do think a lot of men, in this society, are not great men. I think we need to change that,” said Courtney, one of the pro-tech parents on the show.
Viewers also pointed out that societal pressures on men to remain stoic and emotionally detached are tied to Australia’s alarming male suicide rate. “Others pointed out that men being stoic and unable to express how they feel is partially responsible for the fact Australian men are three times as likely to take their own life,” one viewer noted online.
Social media pushes back
A growing movement on TikTok and other platforms is challenging old notions of fatherhood and masculinity.
Videos of dads changing nappies, cleaning, and playing tenderly with their children—captioned with phrases like “Wow, he’s such a hands-on dad… yeah, I didn’t marry a loser”—are going viral. The message is that competent, caring fathers should be the norm, not the exception.
“It’s OK if boys want to be on the more ‘feminine’ side,” said positivity parent Sofia on Parental Guidance. “Stereotyping that men should only be a certain way can put a lot of pressure on them.”
Gender roles and the bigger picture
The debate on Parental Guidance didn’t stop at behavior. It spilled into wider discussions on gender roles and identity. When asked whether they'd accept their son wearing skirts, parents like Amy and Marc said they would, stating they’d support any conversation about gender their children wanted to have.
Others, like Joanne, disagreed: “That wouldn’t be an option in my household.”
But for parents like Sofia, the stakes are too high to ignore. “A lot of people commit suicide because of how they feel about having those feelings,” she said. “They really are born that way and they can’t help how they feel and if you’re saying to your child, ‘This is it,’ imagine if they felt that way and couldn’t come to you.”
Rethinking our expectations
For many experts and parents, the key is raising the bar — not just for behavior but for how we talk about boys in the first place.
As Dr. Flais writes: “Kids can rise to expectations, and they can also lower to expectations. We do well to remember this phenomenon can move in either direction.”
“‘Boys will be boys’ teaches that boys can’t take accountability for their actions because that’s just how boys are,” one viewer posted online. “Teach your boys how to behave and give them consequences!”
Another summed it up simply: “The truth is biology does not make a boy violent. Biology does not make a boy aggressive. It’s time we stop with toxic messages around gender and excusing bad behaviour as biology—because nothing will change if we don't.”
So, what are your thoughts on "boys will be boys"? Let us know in the comments.