Men and women often have different ideas about what constitutes good sex, shaped by a mix of biology, social conditioning, and personal experience.
While men may be more likely to prioritize physical pleasure and orgasm as markers of a successful sexual encounter, women often place greater emphasis on emotional connection, communication, and overall intimacy.
These differences don't apply universally, but they highlight how varying expectations can influence satisfaction and compatibility in relationships.
Understanding and bridging these perspectives through open dialogue and mutual respect is key to a fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.
For example, men might think they're doing women a favor in the bedroom by going the distance—but one dating expert says that belief could be totally wrong.
According to Jana Hocking, host of the Jana with a J podcast, trying to last for ages during sex isn’t the green flag many men believe it is. In fact, she says it can be a "major turn off" for women.
Speaking to news.com.au, Hocking broke down what she and her friends really think about marathon bedroom sessions.
Spoiler: they’re not fans. “Given the choice between sex lasting 30 seconds or one hour,” she revealed, she and her girlfriends would choose the shorter option, calling it the “biggest compliment ever.”
Not a Numbers Game
Before you start setting a stopwatch, it’s worth noting the science. One study involving 500 couples found that while men pegged the ideal sex time at 16 minutes, most only lasted about six—though they thought it was nine. Another study surveying 4,000 women found the sweet spot was closer to 25 minutes.
Still, Hocking warns against modeling your moves on adult content. She blames “ridiculous p*rn videos that go on forever” for giving guys the impression that more time automatically equals better sex.
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Boring, Long, and Stressful
What women don’t want, she says, is to spend “an hour in bed doing the same thing over and over again,” which she described as straight-up tedious.
Instead, she praised the underrated quickie: “less stressful,” “better than a boring long session,” and refreshingly spontaneous. Plus, it takes the pressure off having to “last the distance.”
Appetizers, Not the Main Course
Hocking emphasized that when she talks about short sessions, she’s not cutting out foreplay. That, she said, should be seen as “an appetiser.” And just like any good meal, variety is key.
Repetition, she warns, can ruin even the hottest chemistry: “Variety in sex life” keeps things exciting, while turning intimacy into a mechanical routine is a surefire way to kill the vibe.
Instead of pounding away for an hour, she suggested focusing on “building anticipation and desire,” making the climax feel earned rather than endured.
So guys, maybe it’s not about how long you last—but how well you build it up.