A reality star has opened up about what actually happens at so-called “soft swapping” parties, as the trend gains increasing attention among couples.
Influencer and former “MomTok” star Taylor Frankie Paul first stunned her followers in June 2022 when she revealed that she and her now-ex-husband, Tate Paul, had been part of a circle who secretly engaged in “soft swinging".
“There was a group of us that were intimate with each other. All of us were pretty open to it and on board for it,” she said at the time, per Today. “Obviously no one was forced. We did this on occasion. We would have parties and everyone by the end of the night would go and do all that… it happened several times.”
The revelation sparked a scandal that eventually inspired Hulu’s The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
In one episode, Paul - who is a Mormon - detailed what these gatherings looked like: “We did have sex in the shower with our husbands all together. We also had sex in the same bed at the same time. We would blindfold each other, and you would have to guess which husband you were kissing."
On The Viall Files podcast, she explained that at first, she and her husband considered themselves “inexperienced swingers".
Their rule was simple: no intimacy “behind closed doors” or “sneaking off," but as alcohol flowed and groups splintered, boundaries blurred. “These parties got pretty crazy,” she admitted. “You’re drunk, you don’t know where everyone is at all times so it was messy.”
Paul described nights starting with flirting and drinking among “lots of people, lots of couples.” As some guests left, “the main people would stay, and it’s kind of where things would escalate.”
Activities included blindfolds, spin the bottle, and kissing games: “Everyone would make out with everyone; all the husbands would kiss you and you’d have to guess and vice versa. Lots of games,” she said, comparing it to Love Island.
The agreement between Paul and her husband was that encounters with others would not “go all the way," but the reality star later admitted she violated that rule by forming an “emotional affair” with another husband - something she says contributed to the breakdown of her marriage.
“We partied, we were intimate with other people,” she said in a livestream, explaining that the lack of clear boundaries caused her relationship to unravel.
Experts say that’s the risk inherent in arrangements like these, as according to Popsugar, soft swinging refers to “kissing, touching, and other forms of intimacy… a way for couples to explore boundaries in nonmonogamy without ‘going all the way.’”
Relationship expert Nicole Moore explained that the practice only works with clear communication and that without rules, it can quickly become emotionally messy.
Even cast members of the Hulu series noted the contradictions: “I just love how it’s like, ‘OK, we can do everything but sex so, it’s fine,’ but it’s like, no, you’re sucking someone’s d**k,” co-star Jessi Ngatikaura said in Season 1.
While soft swapping isn’t new, its spotlight in suburban Utah shocked viewers. And it comes at a time when attitudes toward nonmonogamy are shifting.
A 2023 Ashley Madison survey found 59% of Gen Z respondents were interested in open or polyamorous relationships, with 65% believing those setups led to richer romantic lives, per the New York Post.
Still, sociologist Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus cautioned that many arrangements like this can mask deeper discomfort with emotional vulnerability.